Sweatin’ With Gigi. Bitch, You Lucky I Love You.

I have this friend, Gigi.  She IM's to me last night over Facebook: “Hey, wanna come to Kick boxing with me?”

And I’m like “Holy Fuck Balls”

Gigi: LMAO

Grace: You are going to kick my ass aren’t you?

Gigi: No I’m not. You have pads. And you will burn serious calories.

Grace: (could give a shit about burning calories) I haven’t cleared my car or my driveway yet. I am still in jammie pants. (It was a shitty snow day. And also 4pm when this convo started.)

Gigi: I’ll pick you up.

Grace: You KNOW what sort of serious asshole I can be, right? What do I have to do?

Gigi: Yes! Wear comfy clothes, and do what we’re told to do.

Grace: hahahahhaa (what we’re told to do. Good lord, woman.) So we just follow along?

Gigi: It’s more of a workout than sparring.

Grace: That’s good, because I have a coldsore right now, and if you punch my face or kick it, it will explode and give everyone herpies. hahahahah

Gigi: LMAO. So, that’s a yes?

Grace: YES. But I warn you. I will sweat through my T shirt and stinnk up the place and everyone will know it’s me, and that I’m with you. Maybe this will start my period that I’ve been waiting on for 7 fucking days.

Gigi: Yeah!

Grace: okay ummmmm… do I wear shoes for this?

Gigi: I wear my vibrams and yoga pants

Grace: I don’t know what vibrams are… but it sounds like it could help my period come on too. hahaha. What the fuck are vibrams and why would you lend them out? Isn’t that kind of personal?

I learned that these are vibrams. They give me the creeps. I was not putting my toes into those. *shivers*

Oh hells no.

Upon arriving, the kickboxing lady, we discovered, couldn’t get in town due to the bad weather. So instead, the fellow who was stepping in had us doing other things..

Horrible things.

There were stations. Each station wanted you to do 50 of something. laps, jumping jacks, high kicks, throwing some impossibly  heavy ball onto the ground and then PICKING IT BACK UP. Then there were the steroid speed crunches, and side crunches, and some ridiculous half sitting legs in and outty crunches.

And then there were the Kettle Bells. DANGEROUS looking mofo’s.And you swing these things around onto your arm, basically. In 3 different sets of 50.

Also, I have no training, and very little instruction was given.

Yeah. Bashin’ Mah Radius wit mah homie Gigi.

This effin blog is long enough. We did the circut for almost an hour (I totally said “eff this” and like an asshole, watched all the others work out while I sat and wheezed. I maybe PERSONALLY lasted 30 minutes.)

Today, my effing thighs are asking me to please kill them.

Gigi and I had a good laugh after. “What a great work out! I lost my dignity, self respect, my bladder, the ability to walk down stairs or sit on the toilet, and a good friend!”

I love you Gigi. Don’t ever do that shit to me again.

I do YOGA for a reason.

Namaste, Mofo. Namaste.

Grace.