Cocks. They're Everywhere.

Mostly, I see the poetry in things. And then I see the cocks in things. 

Here we have a most beautiful triptych. 

First, the little blue vase shows a man making all the gestures to a lady, who is completely smitten. (Okay, he's not making ALL the gestures, but you just know he's talking the talk.) How do you know she's smitten? Her ankles are out. That broad is totally putting out.

Second, we have the Giant Cock. The giant cock standing on a piece of wood. Mounted, on a piece of WOOD. There's a split in the wood. WOOD. Giant Eager Cock.

Third, we have the dirtly old man holding onto his tomatoes. There's some rod like corn in there, too. By the time your eye scans over this trio of unintentional artistic endeavor, you know what the old guy is asking. You KNOW it.

The only way to improve upon this art, is to paint his blue pants skin colour.

This is how I entertain myself in the Thrift Store.

Giant Cocks.

Grace.

Thor. Cracking Skulls and Crunching Nuts.

So the store has had a facelift. Paint, new shelves, all cleaned, a tonne of stuff moved up the stairs. (I do the Gawdammed stairs 35 times a day. Where is my ass of steel? WHERE IS MY ASS OF STEEL?)  Anyway..

The shelves give more room to display shit. But the Ex-Man has been putting things on there that are sort of hoity toity. Mostly.

I walked by this guy today. And he made me SO happy. As he was very much Thor energy for me today. And he was all about cracking skulls and crunching nuts, if that's what The Queen required.

Cracking Skulls and Crunching Nuts. As You Wish It.

And I let him know, NO, I do not need anyones nuts crushed at the moment, but that's it's lovely to know that if I needed him in a pinch, it would be a very straightforward thing him to do for me.

Thor is always there for me.

(see what I did there? In a pinch....)

This One Time, I was Monogamous.

Sooo... It's been a while. All of my energy was going into shovelling snow and Monogamy Man.  I know. I know. I didn't even really TELL you about Monogamy Man.  He's the fellah who knows all the lyrics to every 80's song in my head that I use in place of a punchline and he's the fellah who closed down the coffee shops with me excitedly chattering and writing on napkins, and he's the fellah that came all the way from 24 years out of my past to make me laugh until my guts hurt and fill my eyes with sparkles just with his smile. He's the fellah who wore the cologne that drove me crazy.

Crazy enough to say to my other lovers, "Guess what! I'm going over here with Monogamy Man, and I am going to be MONOGAMOUS! Can you believe it??" Yeah. That's some powerful cologne.

Two out of Three lovers said "I love you! Go and explore this thing! I am excited for you, and you are in my heart always."

One said "Oh hell no, I refuse to accept that you are doing this at all."

Hagrid knows The Power of Love.

So, that was at the very end of October. It's the beginning of February, and Monogamy Man and I have already run our course. ALREADY. What the fuck? Does three months even COUNT? It was fast and it all made sense, and the Universe had my BACK! Everything lined up beautifully.

I have the sads. I'm disappointed in my inability. I'm mourning. But I'm deep in thought about the whole thing too.

I wanted it. I wanted the promise and I was asking the Universe for stability and a PARTNER that I could DO big life things with. And then MM showed up, and promised ALL THE THINGS. And I changed my whole path. I made plans.

I love that man. And that doesn't go away with the return of his apartment keys and the collection of my slippers from his doorway. I miss him. But I wonder, is it only because he's removed himself from me? My previous loves never really went anywhere in spirit or thought. I knew they were out there loving me. MM is really withdrawing himself from me. THAT'S painful. I'm not used to that at ALL. I'm friends or at least on friendly terms with all of my ex lovers. (Except for that ONE dude. ) I just don't go around severing connections all willy nilly. A sharing of heart space is IMPORTANT and everlasting to me.

Sigh.

My friends were concerned about me, when I told them I was going to go all Monogamous. Because they KNOW me and LOVE me. ALL of them even after seeing how crazy I was for MM asked me "are you SURE?" with concern in their eyes. (I'm the only one among them who has ever called themselves poly, by the way. They are all monogamous or are monogamous when in relationships.)

Anyway. I'm not ready for adventurous or bad behaviour yet. I'm not even ready to be vulnerable in the arms of any of the former lovers who would be willing to cradle me in their comfort zones.   I've been talking this shit out to try to heal. Or find the big answers. The big reason for all of it.Why would the Universe allow me to fall so desperately and deeply in Joy and Love with someone, just to take him away? Fuck, I hurt.

The book in the pic above came in to the thrift store today. A tiny little thing, from 1904 or some damn thing. Written by a religious man, so there's lots of GOD in there. I still flipped through it looking for clues.

Grace.


 

I'm a Ruin.

I have a young friend (She's nearly 20 I believe.) She is named after a Goddess. She sent me a message today saying "This song reminds me of you."

I'm angsty and weepy and THIS was effin perfect.

Thanks be to the Goddess.

I'm a Ruin - Marina and the Diamonds

(blogger is NOT letting me embed the video. )

 I noticed from this version, there are lyrics missing:

I've had my share of beautiful men
But I'm still young and I want to love again
It's difficult to say goodbye
And easier to live a lover's lie
Yeah.  Angst loves this shit. I love FEELING, it reminds me I'm alive.